I'm baaaack!

 

Did I mention at I am a planner?

I love making lists. There is nothing like the sense of accomplishment you feel when you cross things off a list, especially if that list has been there for a long time.  Take this one, for example, where I wrote down some running goals that I wanted to achieve. I didn't forget about this list despite a crazy change in lifestyle and some health issues I needed to deal with before I could get there.

I'm 36 now, and as 40 is actually on the horizon leering at me from the future, I'm reminded of my goal to complete a marathon. After completing my half marathon in 2017, I actually signed up to complete a marathon in 2018, but had to drop out after being sidelined with injury from Tough Mudder in April 2017.  Since then, I've decided that what better way to ring in 40 than to complete a marathon in celebration. 🎈🎉🥳

I know, right??

So that's a long way away, but really, it's not.  Recommendations online state that I should be running 12-15 miles a week on average before training starts in order to decrease my risk for injury. I am no where close to completing that mileage right now. So I've decided that in order to complete a marathon in 2024, I need to complete a 1/2 marathon each year to keep my mileage up. This is also a great time to start incorporating triathlons, my other dream from another list. :)

I had actually signed up for a 5k and a 4mi race earlier this year, but both got cancelled (read: moved to virtual events) when COVID-19 hit. This was the first time I had been motivated and felt like it was a realistic goal to complete a race since 2017. With so much uncertainty of what the future looks like on a multitude of levels, my inner planner was going crazy and I decided to move forward with my plan and just hope these events happen in 2021.

Soooo....

I signed up for a half marathon in February!!

Not only will be the first half marathon in 4 years, but it will be my very first solo race at this distance.  And, to add insult to injury (hopefully not!), I will be completing this at elevation because I'm apparently a masochist in addition to a little crazy.

I am SO EXCITED and a bit nervous - I have already planned out my training plan and mileage (based on what did and did not work before; hooray lists!), and have given myself about 8 weeks to increase my mileage so that my "official" training begins on 11/8/2020 (with a long run of 5 miles). 

LETS DO THIS! 💪🏃

Here will be my backdrop while I run:

. 

#GetPT1st

It's been a really long time since I have posted on here.  Looking back at this journal, it was a journey of self-exploration, self-understanding, perseverance, and times of great joy and pride.  But looking back, it was also a long journey permeated by pain, frustration, injury.  It wasn't until after PT school and almost two years into my career that I began to put together the pieces of everything I had gone through in the past ten years and was able to connect it in a way that opened my eyes and gave me the first sense of direction I had had in quite awhile.  

Changing careers and dropping everything to pursue a career in healthcare TOOK. BALLS. I have to give myself that. Sometimes I look back at everything I accomplished in 5 years (and it was a LOT) and I try to give myself credit. But while I am so proud of what I was able to accomplish during that time, and have ZERO regrets (I absolutely love what I do and come home every day tired, but so fulfilled knowing that I am making a difference in people's lives)... I often wonder, at what cost? 

5 years of school, stress, uncertainty, debt, panic at times - I felt like it destroyed my body. This strong person that I had had become suddenly felt like a shell of a human. I was in a fog. I hurt all the time. I battled constant pain and insomnia.  

But today - I have a light at the tunnel. I have been using intermittent fasting (16:8, but more on that later) and suddenly I realized that I truly WAS walking around like a zombie. Between this new diet plan and continuous PT with an integrative physical therapist, I feel like a new person.  

My story is below.

***

10 years ago, I woke up in pain.  What seemingly occurred overnight, I suddenly had inexplicable abdominal pain with no identifiable cause. I could hardly eat anything, and certain foods I had eaten all of my life, like dairy, suddenly made me very ill. What followed was over 10 years of banging my head against the wall trying to get someone to listen to me, trying to find an answer, a solution - anything. 10 years of elimination diets (that while some were conclusive, like dairy and quinoa, and wheat to some extent, most were not). 10 years of over $10,000 in medical expenses, including a barium swallow study, 3 upper endoscopies, 1 colonoscopy, several abdominopelvic ultrasounds, a HIDA scan, a gastric emptying test, and more blood work panels than I can possibly remember. 10 years of countless nights of insomnia, sleeping upright propped by pillows, starting and ending my day with severe abdominal pain, random bouts of nausea and vomiting, and repeated orthopedic injuries that I swear would happen with something as simple as a sneeze (chronic, debilitating trigger points in my neck, repeated rib subluxations, sternal “tenting” and pain, muscle strain after muscle strain...)  10 years of comments like, “you’re just stressed” and “maybe you would just feel better if you ate some meat.”

I was starting to lose hope.  The symptoms I was experiencing were very real. But time after time, my scans and my blood work showed that nothing was wrong. I was put on different medications, given a throwaway diagnosis of IBS and Functional Dyspepsia, but nothing seemed to get better. I pulled myself off of the meds, including an antidepressant that was supposed to calm my stomach pain, but only made me foggy and sleepy.

Last summer, something changed. I was having what I called a “flare” - common in winter and summer, and I realized that as my abdominal pain came and went throughout the day (often after eating), so did my back pain. It was the first time I had ever experienced (that I was consciously aware of) referred somatic pain, and realized that I needed help - this was bigger than I knew how to handle on my own. I had learned about referred pain in the body during PT school, but so much of our curriculum looked at “mechanical problems” that it didn’t even occur to me that that was what was happening to me.  It was then that I started seeing a physical therapist trained in visceral and neural mobilization who pointed out that my internal organs (most notably my small intestine and the neurovasculature around my hepatic system) and surrounding connective tissue were adhered together from years and years of inflammation. A physical therapist who reproduced the mystery abdominal pain we had been chasing for 10 years by pressing on my intestines neighboring my right hip. These adhesions were harboring bacteria, impeding digestion, tissue perfusion, joint mobility, and sending pain signals throughout my body. These adhesions were causing some severe problems, but were subtle enough that they would never appear on any imaging. And as the body is super connected, my brain wasn’t processing these signals very well and I ended up with an overactive “fight or flight” response in my body.   As a result, my body was playing tug of war trying to free itself, all while trying to “protect” my organs, which ultimately led to musculoskeletal problems.  

All of these years I had been looking for a simple answer to the problem, when the answer was, it wasn’t just one problem, but a huge list of problems that had become vastly interwoven together. Most of what I was experiencing was nerve pain, and pain associated by backed up pressure systems in the body.  What I thought was stomach pain and heartburn was actually overstimulation of the nerves surrounding it.  After 10 years, I felt validated and I just cried. 

It wasn’t all in my head.  It wasn’t all in my head that when I had stomach pain, the pain in my neck, hips, and back were also worse.  And these injuries weren’t occurring because of something I was or wasn’t doing - the problem was so intrinsically layered upon itself internally that I didn’t stand a chance.  

Of course, in order for things to get better, they had to get worse. Apparently all of these adhesions were holding me together, so the minute we started trying to clear them up, I started experiencing a slew of orthopedic issues, the biggest one being that my pelvis and lumbar spine started repeatedly tilting and rotating out of place, and because of the huge amount of dural tension I had developed in my spinal cord, any amount of extension would put me off my feet for days. I quit my job at the hospital in a panic because the thought of lifting someone had me TERRIFIED. I stopped exercising because I was suddenly afraid to move. My body was literally telling me to STOP. I hated this. I was depressed. It was interfering with every aspect of my life. 

I was just starting to make some progress with PT, when in March, I got very sick. False negative COVID or not (I’ll never know until we can truly trust an antibodies test), my lungs and ribs were so affected by this that I am STILL working through the aftermath. The last thing I needed was more inflammation surrounding my heart, lungs, and diaphragm - and coughing led to yet more rib subluxations (this time - ALL of them, and repeatedly). And of course, this had a tremendous impact on my neck and low back alignment, and now, the icing on the cake, has led to some inner ear problems (again: the body is so complexly interconnected).  It’s been a rough few months, but I am still hopeful that there is going to be an end to all of this.  

Why this all started will forever be a mystery. We have a working theory that this all started with a few bouts of whiplash from car accidents 15-20 years ago, leading to rotation of my internal organs, impacting all of the surrounding nerves. But 10 years ago? Who knows.  Perhaps it was a virus, food poisoning, an autoimmune reaction to quinoa, a response to an antibiotic. I may never know.  But years of trying to figure it out just led to more and more inflammation that just compounded itself in my body and created a huge mess. 

I have a long road to recovery, but for the first time I am hopeful and see a light at the tunnel.  I still have some really hard days. I am desperately trying to return to all of the activities that once made me feel so good, and some days, I am just truly defeated.  But then I go to PT, and my mind is blown but yet another crazy connection in the human body, and by understanding my pain, I can finally work through it.  Veronika Campbell, words cannot describe how thankful I am for you. Thank you so much for everything you have done for me, and everything you will still do in the future. 

The moral to the story?

1. Don’t ever take no for an answer when you believe in your heart that there is a solution.

2. Be your best patient advocate, listen to your body and find someone who will listen with you.

3. #GetPT1st

Welcome back.

It's been almost four years since I even looked at this blog. For some reason, I felt compelled to look back upon it earlier this week. I'm so glad that I did! Sometimes you need a little perspective to remind you of how far you have come and all of the obstacles and emotions you experienced along the way.

A lot has happened in four years. The minute it all started, it engulfed my entire being and has been a roller coaster ride of experiences and motions. In June 2015, I started a three year Doctoral program for Physical Therapy at Midwestern University.  This was the most stressful and time-consuming experience of my life. In June of this year, I finally graduated.  Five years of school, this tumultuous experience - FINALLY over! In July, I sat for and passed my board exam as well as the AZ Practice Law/Jurisprudence Exam. I almost immediately started working for HonorHealth Hospital as an Acute Care Physical Therapist, and just completed my third full week on the job (hooray for a paycheck!).

While I am so proud of myself for accomplishing this goal that I risked everything for, one of my biggest fears came true: my health got put on the back burner. There are just not enough hours in the day to accomplish everything that needed to happen; something had to give. At first, I beat myself up for it, but then I finally gave myself permission to let go. I was doing the best that I could.  But, I paid for it. In the six months leading up to the NPTE exam, I felt my absolute worst. The stress was killing me.  All of my digestive issues and food intolerances resurfaced with a vengeance. I stopped being able to sleep due to abdominal pain and esophageal spasms, acid reflux, and heartburn. I was back on prescription meds three times a day with a bland diet in order to combat the symptoms, and still found myself popping TUMS before bed so I wouldn't have to sleep sitting upright, AGAIN. I stopped exercising completely because I was so tired from not sleeping well, couldn't justify taking the time out of studying, and honestly feeling pretty depressed. I was sequestered in my house studying all day with no human contact (just the cats) and my life lacked a regular routine (and the people in it!). But once I passed the exam and secured a job, suddenly the "fog" that had taken over my brain cleared... suddenly I was both physically and mentally prepared to start focusing on something else for a change - me. I've started sleeping better, and while I am still taking meds, I find myself forgetting them which makes me think that soon I will hopefully be weaned from them. I'm back on a consistent schedule with a normal bed time, alarm clock, and shift at work.

Finding this blog again had interesting timing.  It's September in Phoenix so obviously I am feeling cooped up and staring out the window daydreaming of cooler temperatures.  I have eased back into running 3 times a week (run/walking short distances) but the heat is brutal so it's very difficult. Runs have to be completed early in the dark, which means I need a running partner to meet me since I loathe the treadmill. In addition, my cardio sucks these days - last year I was pretty much out of the running game after an accident while attempting to complete Tough Mudder with inadequate training (strained hamstring at it's insertion on the hip, FOOSH injury to my right wrist, and a hairline fracture on yet another rib, all as a result of a muddy slip on a giant wall).  But rediscovering this blog was the best thing I could find at this moment. It's like my mind knew that I needed a reminder of where I started, how many lessons (and injuries) I had along the way, how little I knew about anatomy back then (ha!), and how that all got me where I am today. This blog, encapsulated with all of the fears, triumphs, and memories created when I started crushing goals and got to a place where I was strong and injury free. It inspired me to start again and gave me the confidence to know that I went through all of this once, I know I can do it again! It also made me so thankful for all of the support and encouragement that Jay has given me along the way. This November we are coming up on our first wedding anniversary (almost 9 years total together); we have so much to celebrate.

I am inspired again. Meal plans made, exercise schedule created, goals set.

Let's do this. 

Phoenix 3TV 10k

Sunday was the Phoenix 3TV 10k.  I was happily surprised by two things:
1. The weather was fantastic.  It's been so hot up until last week, and it was in the low 60s and breezy all morning.  Perfect weather for a run!
2. The biggest event of this race was the 10k, instead of the Half.  The t-shirt was even centered around it.  This made me feel a little better about changing events.

I ended up working Saturday, and had a super draining week, so I woke up Sunday morning feeling a little more tired than I had hoped.  I was up by 5:30am for a 9:00am start, and force fed myself a tofu/sweet potato breakfast burrito and a small berry smoothie.  I love eating, but damn it's hard to eat that much that early.  I was determined not to fatigue in this race though.  For the majority of the training season, I capped out about 2 miles shy of my total mileage because I didn't get up early enough to eat enough to fuel me.  I needed food that would last me until 10:00am, with a 600 calorie loss in there.  Luckily, the 10k started an hour and a half after the Half, so I got to "sleep in."

My leg had been hurting off and on, so I taped it with KT tape just in case.  Grabbed my tutu and my water and we headed downtown on the light rail. The race started/ended at CityScape so it was nice and conveniently close.

Tutus!

There were 1,100 people in the 10k so the start line was pretty crowded.  When the bell went off it was a little bit like being corralled at first.  Once we got through the first mile things opened up a bit and it was a little easier to keep my own pace.  Started off at a 10:20 pace, which was comfortable.  Since we had been working up mileage towards 13, we had been averaging a 10:45 pace, so this was a bit faster.  I am usually fearful about starting too fast, since we've been known to start off at 9:50 instead.

At just over 3 miles, Christi and I parted ways.  She wasn't feeling well, and my lungs/legs/mind had finally synced up and I was ready to push forward.  I also mentally made a note that in the end, I paid $70 for a 10k, so I better bust my ass to make it financially worth it.  Oh the thought process behind the poor... ha! But it worked. My leg hurt at times, but it seems like every time I noticed it, I must have made a shift in my running form because the pain went away. I'm doing something, but I don't know what.  PF Changs I had no problem. So I'm not sure if this is just residual pain from rolling my ankle and I'm subconsciously doing something to "protect" it, or if I have some funky thing I'm doing in my stride. TBD.

I had hoped to best last year's 10k time (1:04:00), but I finished a little slower than that.

Official race time: 1:05:50

But I felt really good about this time.  With everything that has gone wrong in training for this race, the entire 6.2 miles felt good. Really good. It's been awhile since that has happened.  When I finished, I waited at the finish line for Christi to cross so I could cheer her on.  While I was waiting, I watched a woman finish and she was sobbing as she crossed.  Her husband ran out from the crowd to cry with her and congratulate her for finishing it.  It was one of the most beautiful moments I had ever seen, so I cried too.  I know that feeling.  The feeling that you weren't sure you were going to make it, but you pushed yourself farther than you thought you ever possibly could. I felt that after my first half.  And even here at the 10k, I felt a little of that again.

Time to give my legs a couple weeks "off."  I use that term loosely since I'm currently working two jobs (and on my feet for both of them), and I plan to do a lot of cross-training and weight lifting in between.  But, my poor calf hasn't gotten much relief since I repeatedly rolled my ankle and then ran on it.  We went to the gym last night, and I was relieved to see that even though we were tired, we showed up! If we had run the half we more than likely would have taken the first part of the week off to recover.  Switching to the 10k allowed us to move forward, something I'm really happy about.

Upcoming:

Long Beach Turkey Trot - 10k (Thanksgiving Day)

Hot Chocolate 15k - December 

TBD - Obstacle course race 2015! Time to get buff and shit!

Running may not love me, but it seems to be one of the few things that keeps me sane lately in this crazy schedule I'm running. Channeling all of my stress into working out at least lets me feel like I can control something right now.  I found this motivational poster last week, and it's my favorite I've ever found because it most certainly hits the nail right on the head.

Downgrading the race

The Phoenix 3TV Half Marathon is three weeks away...however I am no longer participating in it. Instead, I will be running in the 10k instead.

This was a training decision that we went back and forth on for quite awhile.  I am not a quitter and often push myself on principal, even when I know it isn't the "smart" decision.  After a tough, but fairly successful 9.4 mile run yesterday, we finally decided to call it and switch to the 10k event instead.  This is a decision I feel very good about, and I don't feel like it's "quitting." I think it is a smart training decision that will hopefully result in a race we feel proud of.

This has been a really difficult training season. It started off that way.  I rolled my ankle hiking the first week in, continued to run and train on it, and then rolled it again at the start of my 8 mile run a week ago (Who falls off a curb??).  I'm on my feet four nights a week waiting tables.  I get home too late, am not getting enough sleep.  I've been so strapped for cash that I've been lacking proper nutrition, and the stress is wreaking havoc on my body.  I've been setting myself up to fail for long runs, so I end up doing more damage than good, and end up having to scale back during the week.  I do not feel strong, and I do not feel ready. I fear pushing an additional four miles will only make it worse.  It doesn't help that my training partner is having a rough go of it too.  Usually if one of us is lacking the motivation, the other person can make up for it.  When it's both of us, we aren't going to get very far.  The heat has been not much help either.  PF Changs was SO much easier to train for because the weather was so much more bearable.

I'm not throwing in the towel completely, however. I'm still determined to be able to stay active, and to run.  I really do enjoy it.  I enjoyed the last training season, but this time it no longer was fun.  It was a chore, and added stress.  A lot has changed in my schedule since the last half marathon.  It's a bit too much to juggle and I don't think I can attempt the half again until things settle down.  The mileage is also really hard on me.  I'm not a natural runner, and I had hoped that if I "willed it" enough I could make it happen.  To some degree, that worked.  But I have yet to have a half marathon training where I didn't have to take time off to do cross-training to give my legs a break.  I don't run enough consistently that I could handle that jump with ease.  I would rather be able to run a couple of miles every single day, instead of running one long run each week.

So, new focus.  We have the 10k coming up in 3 weeks. We are doing the Hot Chocolate 15k in December.  2015 is going to be centered around shorter distance races, with 15k races being the maximum.  This creates a lot more time for some other active hobbies I miss a lot: hiking, biking, yoga, etc. I think it's a good plan.  :)

Re-motivating myself

For as excited as I was to start training this fall, my lack of motivation is amazing.  It's so bad that if I hadn't already pre-paid for the race, I would postpone it.

When we did Shun the Sun in 2012, I thought the reason training was so difficult was that I was teaching myself how to run, how to keep up with a full training schedule, and that I was nursing an
injury.  I realize now that the major cause of the difficulty was training through the heat.  Almost two months into training for Phoenix 3TV and not a single run has been fun, happy, or easy. They have been miserably hot, sticky, and slow, pushing through thick air and extra exhaustion.  Add a whole lot of life to it, and it's been a very, difficult process.
 
This is the first race that I have balanced a training schedule with not only a full class load at school, but working on my feet for long hours 3-4 days a week.  My legs don't ever seem to get a "rest" day, so they have been extra cranky and sore. This doesn't help the motivation factor, any.

That being said, even though this process has been frustrating, I am still thankful for it.  I've been so tired and stressed lately, that if I didn't HAVE to get out there, I certainly wouldn't.  So, at least this is forcing me to get up and get out there.

An important lesson in this: train for a December or January race, instead.  Much cooler temperatures make for a much easier training process, even if it means getting creative over the holidays. This is the last time I will train for a race of this magnitude in the middle of Arizona summer.

That being said, I am moving forward! Race is paid for, and it's on the calendar in exactly 39 DAYS.  If I don't want race day to be difficult, it's going to take a little more focus.  This means getting more rest (if possible), eating better (even though I'm on a super restricted budget), stretching/foam rolling, and getting to the gym for weight training and cross-training.  I found a yoga class that I enjoy, so now that I am not working Thursday nights I can fit this much needed time in for myself.  School is not going to get easier, and work is finally getting busy.  I always say I work better with a deadline, so here we go!

Training, 2 weeks in the books!

I was so excited to start training that I forgot to post when we did.  Today marks the start of week 3 of 13 for the 3TV Half Marathon in November!

Our training plan is similar to what we did for the last race:
Monday - legs
Tuesday - rest/cross-train
Wednesday - short run am, arms/core workout pm
Thursday - rest
Friday - intervals/hills/sprints run
Saturday - rest/cross training
Sunday - long run

Except for my "rest" days generally include a 5-7 shift on my feet, which is not incredibly conducive to resting legs, but I work with what I can.   My main goal, as always, is to get stronger and smarter to reduce risk of injury.  I started training off with a few ankle rolls on a hike, which set off some inflammation in my inner leg (same place as always, posterior tibialis muscle), but nothing a little ice and KT can't handle.

I recently had an eye-opening massage (translate: incredibly painful) that reminded me that I am covered head to toe (literally) with sharp, angry knots.  My body likes to hold on to an amazing amount of tension. Even when I don't feel all that stressed, my body interprets it completely differently.  Seeing as how my life is not about to get any less stressful, I'm constantly looking at ways to help ease the pain. I'm putting together a 30 minute session for myself that I can do each morning when I wake up.  It's going to be a combination of relaxing, calming, yoga stretches with foam rolling release and core strengthening.  Lately, my daily schedule differs day by day, so it's been hard to get a morning routine on the books.  But once I start school on Monday I will be back into a set weekly schedule that isn't going to change until at least December, so I'm hoping this will help.

I bought a foam roller awhile ago, and used it during training last season, but for some reason it has sat in the corner since January.  It's not like any of the knots just disappeared after PF Changs.  Foam rolling is a form of core strengthener, improves blood circulation, helps lengthen muscles so they are less prone to imbalances that cause injury, and releases muscle tightness and trigger points through myofascial release.   Added bonus: since I'm not going to be able to afford a massage for awhile, this should hopefully help reduce some of the full-body snowball effect I've been experiencing each time a stressor gets added to my life.

I've tried doing daily yoga, starting with a 30 day 15 minute video challenge but I kept getting behind in the sequence and then end up needing to complete 3-4 challenges at a time.  This is sad because I actually enjoyed the videos.  I just had a hard time mentally committing to it.  I am going to start with a simple yoga sequence and do the same one each day until I can make it routine.  Then I can use one that will help open everything up first thing in the morning, help with my running, and help give me enjoy the added benefits of yoga.  Then, one day I can move back to more challenging sequences.

Overall, I'm realizing two things:
1. I am not going to get the results I want without really putting that added effort into it.  Now that I've gotten used to the mileage and the expectations on my body, it's time to take it to the next level.  It's just going to require a little more focus than I have put in in the past.
2. If I don't start taking care of myself more (i.e. taking time for myself each day, de-stressing, etc.), I am going to run myself into the ground.  I'm totally worth it and need to make myself more of a priority.

Easy Foam Rolling Sequence