Frustration.

Up until now, I've only posted positive a happy thoughts during this training process. Things I've learned and overcome, accomplishments I've made.  But I am realizing that if I am truly going to document this process, I also need to publish the negative and my frustrations.

Today I am feeling very frustrated.  I know that this is part of the learning process and one of the main reasons you actually train before a race. If I decided to run a half marathon tomorrow without training I would expect to have a very difficult time, injure myself, and be in pain.  I guess I didn't expect to feel so much of that during the training process itself.  I keep thinking that "it has to get easier, right?"

Of course it's gotten easier. I ran 6 miles last weekend when a couple months ago I could barely conceive the idea of running 1.  But I keep hurting myself and it's pissing me off.

After my heel injury put me out of commission for about a month last year, I thought that I had gotten past the stage where I could do it again. I know that is a ridiculous statement, but this is my mind speaking, not necessarily fueled by logic. I shouldn't have run sprints last week. Not sure what I was thinking? Instant issues (shin splints, muscle knots) and I am paying for it now (been hobbling since the race ended on Saturday, I cannot relax the muscles in my left calf enough to take a good full step). As Jay says, if I have a knot like that before the race next time, I'm not competing.  I don't like that statement, but I know he's right. 

This is a huge learning experience, and I am learning what to do and what not to do, how to overcome the pain, when I can run through it and when I need rest, etc.  But it is so frustrating! It is not a proud moment to complete the race and then go back to work completely crippled by it. I want to be one of those people who make it look easy! Instead it's a struggle. And I know I am stressing about this more than I should, but I hate "taking time off" and "taking it easy" when I am about to be too busy at the end of the month to run, and out of commission for about 6 weeks. I am petrified that "time off" means "starting over."

Lots of massage, ibuprofen, ice/heat, epson salt soaks, and I'm practically bathing in biofreeze.  I know tomorrow will be better, but for today I am just frustrated.

Grumble.